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Saying Goodbye To 2010....


Well this year has been completely nuts. I have been through some crazy things. I moved from chico to casa grande az where I was only there for 5 to 6 months then came back this last summer. I have been in a few diffrent relationships this year as well. I dated mike and now we are spilt in two diffrent locations. me and kevin tried to hook back up that didnt go well either.
I am happy to say that there is one person in my life that does care a great deal about me. and they have taken every step possible to make sure I know that. They have shown it time and time again and sometimes I was unwilling to see that they were always there when I needed them and that they alway would be no matter what happens.
I am more willing to give things a chance to go well here in chico. for the frist time in two years I am actully happy. I didnt think it would happen but it is. I have my family and friends here. I just cant walk away from all that.
what I am walking away is my past. I am letting it go. I am not holding it inside with me anymore. that includes any past boyfriends I had. its time to move on and be happy. theres reasons why none of them work out. and theres no room in my life to go barking up tree's that I should just stay away from.

I welcome this new year with a new look on life. I am going to enjoy it and live it to the fullest. I am going to spend less time crying and mad and more time just laughing and smiling with those dearest to me in my life.

anyway 2010...and all those things I lost this year I bid you a farwell.



People come into your life for a reason.....


I am sending this to you to see how many actually read their email. Your response will be interesting.
Pay attention to what you read. After you have
finished reading it, you will know the reason it was
sent to you. Here goes:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide y you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at
an inconvenient time, this person will say or do
something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid
emotional foundation. Your job is to accept thelesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.




My Dreams and Hopes.....for 2011



I know everyone out there has hopes and dreams for their life. I have gotten a few mine but also go one major one taken away from me.(I will get into that later). I have had the chances to have 2 wonderful childern. I have alittle girl whos five and a little boy whos about to turn three in a couple of months. I love my childern to death. They are and always will be the most important thing in my life. but other then having my my kids one born in 05 and the other in 08 I fell in love with someone at a very YOUNG age. I have known my current boyfriend for 15 years as of this year. just doesnt seem like its been that long but it has. I was 14 and he was 17 when we met. I remmeber that day well because the frist thing I remember is the way he smiled at me. he was so cute and had long hair on the top of his head which I loved. I remember running my fingers through it alot at that time. but anyway from the time we met till now hes always been there through so of the most fucked up things in my life. we have went through two BIG break ups where we were apart for at least four years at a shot.

but things are better now and I am greatful and feel very lucky to have him back in my life hes the man of my dreams. He knows how to treat me and treats me like a queen everyday of my life which is wonderful. I enjoy being around him so much to where when we are apart it actully feels like something is missing. okay enough about love I know I am getting off topic here but I enjoy my love life so much I dont hide it and I never will. I am always going to be open about my life until I am dead most likely. but that aint going to happen for a long ass time.

but to continue on my dreams the ones I have left that have not happened yet is I need to get my ass back to school and get my writing degree. I know I said I didnt need one but I would like to get it just show my kids when you want something bad enough you work for it. another personal thing I would like to happen is finally say my I Do’s this year. I dont know if its going to happen this year but I would love for the question to at least be asked so I know I am well on my way there. I am 28 years old and would like to be married before I am 30. because most of my family is still buging me on that issue and I am so sick of hearing the questions when you going to settle down and what not.

but other then my writing and getting married I would also like to start to travel and see the world we all live in. I am not talking about the united states been to alot of diffrent places here. I would love to travel outside the usa and enjoy new things I have never seen or heard of before.

but the traveling thing is going to take some time to do when you dont have the money to do it. someday I promise myself it will HAPPEN! anyway




The Lurker- a idea for a movie.....written in november of 2010



staying hidden from veiw the two of them think its safe to come out of hiding.(Hiding in the basement under the stairway)loud footsteaps are heard followed by abloodly arm beingthrowdown th stairs.All they hear are screams then nothing!

One of girls goes to te chck out whats going on just for the other t hear big thud followed by blood drops. she gets up and finds her sisters head no other part of her left. (screaming until it fades)

(Note: its not a long thing I wrote this was the frist one ever. I let a few friends read it and they thought it was very good. Maybe someday I will expand on it and turn into a full story but for now its just that.)



A song I have been working on. (its unfinished)

This song is is not finished because me and my friend Choko havent yet finished it yet. but I wanted to get some honest feedback for it. so please feel free to comment. if its rude dont even because I wouldnt listen to anyone like that anyway.

Heres the song as follows…..ENJOY! :



The darkness enters my soul it slowly gets me to let go

the more I scream and fight

my sanity grows weak and I dont know whats right

the days are running together

the hours are becoming a blur

am I becoming a fixture in a very blurry wall

people are passing through

they dont see me at all

all my days are becoming a blur

to a very thick wall

the darkness falls upon me to steal my soul

my screams and cries grow louder as they

fall upon deaf ears

(Note: like I said this song is not finished right now. if you would like to help by posting some suggestions that would be wonderful. Thank you!)

About a man....I love dearly.



About this man I speak of,He is the center of my world. He has the kindest heart. The most loving will I have ever known. Willing to give up everything and anything to keep whats dear to him. When he speaks he has spoken of alot regerts in his life. I feel his pain. I know his anger. I know deep down we are connected as one. Hes the greatest among my friends. Hes the best listener I have had in years. Hes watched me change through the years. He has also stood by me when the tears came. He has watched me/witnessed so may sorrows in my own life to be consider the strongest around the weak ones that I thought were my friends. Theres no way I could ever repay everything he has done.

To know a soul thats truely giving just makes me cry inside. To know someone just unwilling to give up on something that could be so worth while just makes me smile. I thankful he didnt give up on me. For losing him would have been losing a big part of my heart. I dont think I could have went on with my heart just partly together. for he has been the glue that has kept it together through so much it just amazes me how much he has done when I could not have been stronger enough to do what he has done.

He has shown me love beyond compare. I wish everyday there is something I could to do to repay him for everything. I will spend the rest of my life showing him how thankful I am to be just around him. To feel his arms around me and to hear him say how much he loves me just makes me melt inside. He is truely in my heart and I just cry out of joy. I have never known love like this before and its so magical and strong. When you find that love you never want to let it go. you fight like hell to keep it. And always hope that it is never lost for it is you will never be the same again.

To the person whom I am speaking of I love you so much. You have shown me how much I matter to you. I hope I can do the same in return. You are awsome. I hope no one in this world ever takes away the fire you have to show your loving soul. For it happened the world would be at a complete and total loss.

What can I say I am in love with my soulmate. I was ment for him. He was ment for me. It will remain like that always and forever